Mom, Radical Christian Terrorist

Are you worried about radical Christian terrorists? Ever since terrorism expert and talk show host Rosie O'Donnell proclaimed that radical Christian terrorists pose as much of a threat to us as Islamic terrorists, I have been worried sick.

First of all, I am wondering who they are. As there have been no Christian suicide bombings, beheadings, etc... I must assume that the carnage is yet to come. But where are these Christians and how can we stop them?

I wonder if she is referring to my mom. My mom is named Mary. Does it get any more Christian? She has been a true believer all of her life. She attends church, well, religiously. She is a real traditionalist. Until recently, she attended church services that were held in an Latin. Though college educated, she chose to stay at home and raise her kids. Though she is private about matters of faith as well as politics, I suspect that she votes for Republicans. Let's face it. She is a dangerous women.

I now suspect that her cell will strike in one of three areas. Her incessant walking is, I now suspect, is an effort to gather intelligence about the soft targets in her neighborhood. Her bridge club, as they call it, is simply a cheeky name for her radicalized cell. I believe that they are plotting the destruction of our infrastructure, such as our bridges. I also think she could poison our blood supply. She has been giving blood, and gaining the confidence of Red Cross volunteers, for over twenty years.

In these dangerous times, we must do whatever it takes to ensure our safety. Please help Rosie and I expose the threat of radical Christian terrorism, before it is too late.