I have been enjoying the reaction to an commentary in the New York Times called "The Good Racist People." Here is what happened: Actor Forrest Whitiker, a black man, was accused of shoplifting in a New York deli. He was not actually shoplifting. The commentary more or less took the entire New York metropolitan area to task for being racists. Instapundit has some reaction and links to more.
I had a similar incident about fifteen years ago. I was selling jewelry and I mistakenly accused a black woman of stealing. There was a miscommunication between me and the person working with me. I thought my coworker was indicating to me that the wrongly accused was holding some jewelry. When she began to walk away, I confronted her in a firm but polite manner about the jewelry. Moments later I was informed that my coworker was referring to another lady still at our display. I immediately and profusely apologized and explained that it was a miscommunication etc... I thought that was the end of that. However, the lady complained to the management of the institution that was hosting us. It was processed evidently as racial mistreatment by the lady. I explained as best I could to management that race had nothing to do with it, that it was a miscommunication, that I was not a racist etc.... In the end I agreed to submit a written apology to the woman, which I did. And despite several previous incident free jewelry sales at the institution, I was never invited back.
My takeaway. Incidents such as the above are very empowering for the supposedly mistreated minority. In my case, an innocent mistake was transformed into a racial incident that caused me to lose a valuable business connection. She got me back and then some. Good for her. Good for her? Inflating a minor incident into a major racial mistreatment has its costs, unfortunately, for members of either race. If it is assumed that minor disputes with a member of a different race are infected with overt or unconscious racial animus, it makes interaction between members of different races a far more dangerous proposition. Or, to use econospeak, the cost of relations between members of different races is potentially greater. Easy, colorblind, less defensive interactions are made more difficult. Who does that help?
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8 comments:
This illustrates the importance of communcation. So u made a "mistake". Its probably not the first time she's been falsely accused due to "miscommunication", i'm more inclined to believe the culprit was more than likely just plain ignorance on your part.
The reality is that what you percieved to be "minor" was actually major, and trivializing it was your mistake. No one likes to be accused of any wrongdoing no matter what race you are, especially if the accused is innocent. You can't dictate to someone how to react to such accusation. if u approach someone with false accusations youd better be prepared to receieve a vigilant defense from this person, it is her right to defend herself against wrongful accusations. You had no idea who this person was or how her interaction with you could potentially make or break your valuable business connection. As you illustrated, it broke it, and you had the audacity to blame her for your damaged business relationship?!
Instead of harboring anger at your wrongly accused potential customer, your energies would have been better spent acknowledging & correcting the lack of coherent communication between you and your employee, and how to avoid an embarrassing situation like that again.
The easy way out is to do what you did and blame your customer for your own mistakes, but the right thing to do would've been to illustrate to your employee how & why not to make such damaging mistakes. It cost you money, time, a valuable business resource, and your reputation. In these times, one can't afford to lose any of those things.
We will have to disagree here anon though I appreciate your comment. From the get go I immediately acknowledged the mistake and apologized sincerely not once but twice. What it boils down to was that my apologies were not accepted and quite possibly not believed to be sincere. If a person makes a mistake, as we all do, most people are willing to accept an apology. If someone tries to pass off bigoted or racist behavior as an innocent mistake, the victim should rightly bring the hammer down. The problem too often in disagreements involving members of different races is a presumption of guilt. If you are ever accused of being a racist or a sexist or a whatever, it is virtually impossible to prove your innocence. It is my theory that that hazard raises the cost of interaction between races, to the harm of both.
Your "argument" helps prove my point. Note your use of parenthesis around my claims of a mistake and a miscommunication, a frequently used technique meant to call into question the veracity of the words. So you don't believe it was really a mistake. I am guilty of something greater than a mistake or a miscommunication. Hmmm, what could it be? Bigotry and racism of course, because I built my business up for twenty years by being unfair to black people, right anon? Though you weren't there obviously, you simply can't imagine that I might be telling the truth.
And finally, I never did blame the lady for my mistake. I acknowledged it immediately and I apologized twice. And I addressed the miscommunication, though it can never be made perfect.
What cost me money and reputation in this case was a mindset that any mistake or disagreement had with this particular black woman was evidence of racism on my part. And such a mindset can and does have a negative affect on members of both races. But you probably can't see that anon as you seem to share the same damaging point of view that any claim of racism against a white person is obviously true and that no other explanation is possible. Congratulations, you are part of the problem.
Apologies don't automatically fix a situation, although it usually is the right & respectful thing to do, it still doesnt fix it. As your blog post reiterates, you're upset at your customers reaction...still, and she still has, no doubt, a negative perception of her interaction with you & your establishment. Apologies can't change the negative experience.
Ill ask you a question, is their anything you would have done differently now that you've gone through this experience?
Yes, I would have asked my co-worker explicitly if I was chasing after the right woman. Beyond that anon, I don't know what I could haver or should have done differently. Most human beings realize that other human being will make mistakes and are willing to accept apologies. Unfortunately when it comes to issues of race, for some people an apology is insufficient. Rather than giving another the benefit of the doubt, the worst possible motives are assumed and one's innocence is impossible to prove. My issue anon is not the minor damage done to my business over a decade ago but rather the ongoing damage done to race relations if some among us can't accept an apology and assume bad faith on members of another race. I hardly think this can bring anyone together. Just wondering anon, do you think that racial overreactions, assuming there is such a thing, are a good thing?
You say that an apology is the right thing to do but doesn't fix the problem. Very well anon, what would fix the problem?
Why was the incident processed as something "racial"? Because the woman happened to be black and was accused of stealing something? Should this also have been processed this as something against women, after all, she was a woman too? Perhaps she was the victim of child abuse when she was young, so why not throw that in? If she was a Democrat why not throw in the vast right-wing conspiracy? Maybe there was a handicapped person in the room who might have overheard this and might have been offended - throw that in. Perhaps she had allergies and might have been offended by the type of carpet in the room - add that to the list. I need to get out with my lawyer and be offended more - so many people to exert my agenda-driven dominance over, so little time. . . meanwhile Anon, I suggest that you only hang around your like-minded little buddies or risk offense.
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