Saturday, January 07, 2012

Crime Season

Don't you just love the change in seasons? In Milwaukee my ilk are steeling cars to celebrate.

Now I enjoy a good joy ride just like you, but the onset of colder temps means its time to climb into the attic and get out the box of ski masks. I'm not a skier of course, I just can't wait to paw through my favorite accessory. There is nothing quite like enjoying the fruits of a well planned liquor store robbery. It hardly even seems like work.

And then there is spring. Don't you want to just get out of the house after a long winter? Well your victims do as well, and that means easy pickins and less hassles. Now stop your snickering. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes.... through snow drifts....with a flat screen, you just don't understand the hardships of winter.

Summer is my favorite time of year as I enjoy a more direct relationship with my victims. Summer is assault time baby. And purse snatching. And pistol whipping etc... And after a day of fun you can usually find a good after-bar melee. But summer has its dark side too. No doubt somewhere along the way you have been cold cocked in a bar fight or someone "forgot" to pay his protection tax. But that is what fall is for.

Harvest time! Time to get reaped for what you've sown. Nothing like ushering in revenge season with a well, er executed, drive by on a cool crisp evening. Settle a few scores and settle in for a long winter.

With what liquor should I pair my roasted chestnuts?


Sean Cranley said...


Denis Navratil said...

Just in case you missed the point of my satire Sean, I am mocking the notion that weather contributes to criminal activity. Criminals cause criminal activity and will find a way to commit crimes whatever the weather might be.

Anonymous said...

Fortunately for Racine, a number of criminals are too lazy to steal.

Sean Cranley said...

Yeah weather would NEVER have an effect on crime, right?

"Too lazy to steal", oh that's clever, the issuance of a true Ano.